time constraints give incompletion a reason.

oh shit

abit more.

dont get me wrong, im over that popular one. the one with the 5 boys chasing after. its just so vexing that 4 of my years that was supposed to be used to garner connections for preparation for the future, to which i think things would've been much different without the popular one. would've been closer naturally with the hoodlums family, something could've started with the Rah, friends from tertiary could still be friends. what a waste of my 4 years. been 9 years and not even once a message or call so i guess the emotions weren't real & neither were the memories.

happen to chance upon that a house was purchased, and its such that you cant purchase a property from the higher ups without getting hitched. so congratulations to you.

p.s: its not like i did those things that im unhappy that she didn't do lulz. i guess it wasn't as real and the memories for it wasn't as strong for me either. so, pot calling kettle huh. pteh. may we pass each other on the street without realizing the other.

if there was an again like that shit I've been reading, there's no chance in hell i would be at east coast watching their gig when they were still with leemel.

a brief forward of 5 years.

just a random friday, at work, to be hit with nostalgia beam.

its been 5 years, sanserlau. a hectic, flurry, fantastic, messy, a ton of waiting 5 years.

fingercuffs given, expectations begun. funds started amassing, responsibility arrives. blessings from san side ok, blessings from bon side notchet. just..........waiting.....too much waiting.......very many waiting. priority isn't numero uno, and its a losing battle to get to that position because it just isn't. let it go, san. treat it the same as you're being treated.

you have a godson now. boy's growing fast without a care. you blink you lose. just the cutest human being for PakBear and MakBear.

best boi getting serious and am uber glad hombre found someone beautiful, the best and suits his damn ass active lifestyle. to his conjugation in the near future, no matter what, i will be giving my blessing and attend said event 100%. plus a little bit of best friend funds.

best boi gamer moves leaps and bounds ahead of who still talks. has a beautiful wife, mini gamer on the way with a house that only a millionaire can afford. damnherich. buy me house plz. i dunwanna stay in punggol.

works moving alright. comfy place, complacence arrives. managing, but unmanaging anything. sidelines take up alot of mojo, but moola substantial for future squirreling. no complaints cept for the stagnance in whats given. more is better, but being content is plausible.

frontman has a partner more suitable to him, in his eyes i guess. workhorse conversations and thats it. dwindled down to almost nothing, but at least still replies. kudos to that.

saw them a ways back, after an event. riding bike moment, unlikely seeing me. kid out, living life fullest without being tied down to the past. i am so glad for that. this side and that, both are doing swell.

a little bit of whats happened so far.

a duo sided realisation and confession to best boi from long time friend of best boi. ultra unexpected by san cos damn nuptials were carried out. insurance man games with a rig thats double mine. australian student looking more handsome than ever. artsy bambino looking more and more like an unmarried aunty i know. the invisible ones unknown.

it's a little over work hours now. in the office with the one who reminds me of the annoying princess. random spurts of memories pop up so its good that after 9 years, im still remembering you. i guess you come in different people of different sizes and shapes. may this continue forever, may i be reminded of your every face.

we'll keep it going. so come back sometime.

1 mintue to 5 a.m

re-reading everything feels like
my spirit would break.

what is missing?

i bet the rest are fulfilled.
i really hope so.

every single one of you. when i try to remember,it becomes a hazy faceless mob and
it seems like they're being covered by a cloth.

my breaths are heavy. but im just typing.
i've gotten so weak.
so weak my soul cries for my body.
so weak i cant even muster determination.
this poison. you inflict too much negation.
i feel so heavy. so mucky. so gravitised.

please...stay away.
i stopped thinking of you,so stop making any move.
i hope i wont ever see you,hear you,type you,read you.

sort of regret.

i messed up.

i miss chewy, talking to her with semi real words that i wanted to happen.

talking to farah asking her how her day was.

talking with syaq about matters and opinions.

chilling with william when our friendship mattered a little more than now.

talking nonsense with the cheerful milton.

discussing really random events with leonard.

talking to irving and making calls to girls secretly.

spending nights on the phone with sipei and slowly realising that she's fun to talk to.

small hellos how are yous eaten already wheres who n who with vanessa.

making sure not to step wrongly with xue er.

facebooking yuling.

envying xiao yuan when shes at australia.

having conversations with elijah over a stick of cigarette.

pampering dearest yirong whenever her princessy side came out.

jamming a little with yang tze.

being a little interested with stella, and missing her when she went MIA.

making sure not to offend the very sensitive augustine.

small bouts of unacknowledged competivity with mohsen.



chewy,u wrote

"rmb i told u before, alot of times that the hoodlum era is over? actually, i realise after all that i said, it was a mean to convince myself that, i should get over the whole hoodlums can hang out like we used to..sigh. i miss everyone"

i dont know happened, and im sure at some point in our advancement of our personal lives, when we have our quiet moments like the one that i have now, we think back, we miss a little, we reminisce alot, and we move on until we approach another pause.
The Hoodlums. that was the only time i ever had so many friends i wanted to care about.
maybe i should try to patch things up.
maybe we're just waiting for someone to do that. to call everyone out and lepak.
if only it was true.

if it is, i'll bring you in my blood pumper, dear yirong.
yeah, i'll give it a try.

the hoodlums version 2.

a lifetime of bad decisions.

if only i was the white ranger.

i could've made things better.

im sorry i didnt stand by you when there were those awkward meets.
im sorry i didnt listen fully to your side of the story.
im sorry you had to go through that, but you went through it splendidly, and i envied him.
im sorry i didnt hug you when you started crying near the 2 dollar shop.
im sorry to have let you feel lonely because someone treated you coldly, u must understand. he loved you but could not have you, thus he distanced.

i miss:
your dimples
your hair
smelling your hair when u sat next to me
your humour
your patience
your love for ice cream
your typing in a frenzy when there are alot of people in a chat, u made me feel lightheaded as i typed along with u


i miss you terribly. i hope you dont read this nor does anyone who you know. but if you do, i still think of you.

au qiu yi, more lovingly, chewy.

what am i doing wrong..?

your sun is brighter than mine, but its okay.

humid and heaty, rainy and breezy.
i have you. i have a job. i want a career.
i have a card. i am taking another component of that card.
you are imperfect. i am too. but i hope you will be perfect soon.
never seems to be enough. i have nothing to pay for but i have nothing i keep.
where does it all go?

its a good feeling to know that no one reads this blog anymore.
not trying to sound like im seeking self pity, but it really does feel good.
perhaps those blog skippers might see so, hello and goodbye to
you.

little girl.
i admit you havent been on my mind very often.
but when you do..
when you do...
your birthday is easy to remember because its the same date as white day, which is a month after valentines.
and your departure is on a public holiday.
wait for me to get a 2-wheel.
i'll ride to see you.
i couldnt..make you move on.
but you helped me.

i owe you.